i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
