I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
