Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
