I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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