The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
