So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I forget how to act sober
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
