he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
