Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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