You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
