It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
