The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
