i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
