dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
