All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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