I hate your face
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dick very happy bro
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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