my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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