She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
