i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize