i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
