Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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