You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
