Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am midnight drunk by noon
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
