My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
