dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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