so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
