I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
