i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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