if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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