i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
