I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
you never un-have a 4some
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
