Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There r osticjed everywhere
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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