I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
