why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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