I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
