Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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