hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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