even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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