On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
