I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
