The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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