I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
