Say something about gay babies.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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