My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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