I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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