oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
