it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
