I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Fuck appropriateness.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
