you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize