So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
