I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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