ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
