More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
