I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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