I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
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