I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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