Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
