with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
