this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
