I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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