Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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