really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
