I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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