I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
