Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Drunk walkin through police station. America
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
