he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
