Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
