yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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