the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
