That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
