Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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