I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
