If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
last night I used snow as a chaser
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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