see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
