I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
