i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
