Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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