if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
