I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
