Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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