his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
