Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
