we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
