haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
