At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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