I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
