You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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